Surrender

     I've been under the weather the last several days. In an attempt to feel productive or proud of myself, not sure which, I thought I would catch up on some of the hundreds of the devotional I had signed up for.  There is a particular Devotional that I would like to talk about, it was on Surrender, what surrender is vs what surrender isn't. The author says this "Beware of surrender that is motivated by personal benefits that may result." One little sentence. I read it over and over again because it took me aback a bit and I actually got angry! I don't like people telling me what is and isn't or what things mean especially if the meaning I have for it, is comfortable and working for me! So, I went to delete the devotional because it feels so good to Delete when something makes you feel uncomfortable but I stopped.  Even if something sounds outrageous and it questions what you believe is true, sometimes there is truth in it, find the truth if any. Pause, is there something for me here.

    

    So I decided to blog and share my little truth. :)  For me, when I am not sure if something is true or just an opinion I go to the word, well usually, but what I wanted to do in this case was go to the word to debunk this outrageous lie! I knew it and so I took a different route, I prayed it out. I thought "if this is wrong I will feel it and the holy spirit will let me know!" So I started to pray but I took myself out of the prayer, I took my needs out of the prayer, i took my struggles out of the prayer, I took what I would benefit by surrender out of the prayer, I made the prayer about Him. I took Surrender and began to pray "I surrender to who you are God, I surrender to you as Saviour, I surrender to the Holy One, I surrender to who you are, and who you will always be, I surrender to the creator of Heaven and Earth, I surrender to the victor and King." I shook, I paused and I understood.  I realized, the surrender the author is talking about is God, solely, about who he is, what he is, how he is. Surrendering is not putting God in his place, but putting me in mine by realizing I have no place. He fills the place I always try to put myself into. 

   

     Does that mean I will never pray about things that benefit me, of course not, but is that all I have been "surrendering" the question I asked myself and the answer was tough. For me yes, lately yes, for a year yes.  

  It bugs me when I hear speakers talking about going to a higher level or going to a deeper level. Which is it, higher or deeper it always made me feel like I was drowning or falling to my death if I didn't get it!! 

    How about not higher or deeper. How about just our minds being constantly renewed. For me Romans 12:2 reared it's beautiful head: "let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think" He does it when we LET him!  Seeing what we didn't see before, it was always there, we just couldn't see it yet. :) We were not ready yet. We are on a journey as believers, the scenery changes, our lives and circumstances change and with that brings the sight to see what we can only see by walking with Him and thru life as it happens, not moving ahead, constantly in motion but taking pause periodically. Living, learning and picking up on those bits along the way.

   

     I picture it this way, it's not deeper or higher but it's continuing to drink from the Well of God! I think I've been drinking from an empty cup for awhile, thinking it was full.   I was parched!! Thirsty and needy, it took someone else's insight, truth, opinion, devotional to show me just how thirsty I was.  That's good! Devotionals are a great stepping stone to truth that you are finally ready to see.  I want to read a devotional and let it help me take pause and find my truth, my sip of what I have been thirsting for. 

I hope you will take that pause with me. :)
Lord renew me, daily through any means necessary, that I would live in your truth!